Below are my journal entries for the pay-what-you-can preview, opening night, and the first weekend of shows.
November 1: Elderstudy
Today was Elderstudy, which is one of my favorite parts of doing a show. Every time I’ve had the chance to be apart of it, I have really enjoyed getting to answer questions. Today, someone participating in Elderstudy was wearing a shirt that said “I Am Always Learning,” and it made me think about this process. Elderstudy is a great reminder that there’s always a chance to learn something else or try something new. Everyone in that room is so eager to ask questions and learn more about something they are interested in. They have a passion for learning and growing as people.
Right now, with Mrs. Phelps, I feel like I’m always learning something new about her and who she is. Learning more about her gives me new actions to play and new wants that I can explore during the run of the show. She’s growing and changing and a major goal of mine for the next three weekends is to continue to grow. While we’ve stopped making major changes to the show, there’s still room for change and growth. There’s still room for me to learn more about Mrs. Phelps. She is a whole person that has some many different aspects to her personality, and I think I understand her so much more than I did at the beginning of this process. I hope that on the nineteenth I’ll be able to say that I know even more about her and that I’ve been making new discoveries all the way.
It was so wonderful to get the share the world of Matilda with people for the first time, both in Elderstudy and during Pay What You Can. I am so excited to see how audiences experience the world we have built over the next few weeks.
November 2: Opening Night
Happy opening night! Like I said yesterday, I’m really excited to share the show with an audience. This show is so bright and fun and I hope that we can share the magic of Matilda’s world with the audience. I’m also really excited to have people who know how much work I’ve put into this show see everything that the whole cast has been working on.
Intermission Update: I feel like my energy tonight was down, I was very tired this morning and it’s been only getting worse all day. I’m going to focus on channeling my tiredness into focus. Something my ballet teacher talks about is finding the ease in ballet when you’re tired. Essentially, she means that when you’re tired you can use it to your advantage to find a deeper plie or a little more smoothness in adagio. I want to adapt this into rehearsal as well, when I’m tired I can lean into it and listen more honestly. I can hear the story for what it is and really experience the storytelling.
I think overall, tonight’s show was a step forward, but it wasn’t as big a step as we’ve been making recently. Which was a little disheartening for me. I think I put a lot of emphasis on opening night and making sure the show is “worthy,” but I think that every performance should be a step forward with the character. So, while it’s not as far as I want it to be, it’s still a step and that’s what’s really important.
November 3: Friday Night
My energy was better tonight, I think that it’s still not as high as I could be, but I think it’s also important for me to acknowledge that I’m tired. The reality of how much energy I have to give right now might not be 100% and that’s okay, but I think it’s also important for me to focus on what I can do differently to sustain myself for the weeks ahead. Similarly to yesterday, it was still a step forward, just not a large one, but there was still growth. There’s still more growth to be had, I’m just struggling to figure out where to go with it.
Every night is a new audience and a new story to tell and it’s not fair to myself or the audience for me to not perform the show as fully as I can. This weekend, I’d like to take time to clean and recenter myself. Hopefully, sleep more than I have been. Overall, just give myself the time I need to feel ready for what’s still to come.
November 4: Saturday Night
Today, I got some things together that I haven’t had the chance to do recently. I cleaned my room completely and cleaned out my fridge. During tech week, I tend to get a little more cluttered and messy. So, I cleaned everything up and got myself together. I feel better and happier when I have a clean space; I’m really glad my space is clean.
I think that I was fairly low energy today, which is weird because I had the chance to recenter and relax. This is the first night that I think I didn’t make a step forward. It wasn’t a step backward, but it wasn’t a step forward either. Tomorrow I think I want to focus on being more present in the moment.
November 5: Sunday Midday, Afterwords
Intermission update: Today I’m genuinely listening and engaged in the story. Something I’ve found really interesting about this process, is the amount of new choices I’ve made during this process. I’ve grown a lot recently, and I’ve learned about myself as a performer. One of the things I’ve been able to explore more this semester is letting the character lead the choices. Instead of micromanaging what I do, I’ve been going with the flow and that’s been really validating. I normally feel the urge to control everything down to the smallest detail, and it’s so nice to relax and still feel like I’m doing things well. Since today is the last day of shows until next Thursday, I’m going to take this evening to get more website work done.
Today, we also did Afterwords, which is a talk back between some of the actors and the audience. Similar to Elderstudy, I love being able to do Afterwords. This one was really special because it’s the most kids I’ve ever seen in the audience for one I’ve participated in. I love when kids get involved in theatre, I remember the show that made me want to do this, so it’s really magical to me to see kids have those first moments.
Goals for next week: continue to focus on connection/listening, explore more of the world, stay committed to the story, update website
