Below are my journal entries for the second weekend of shows, where I navigated sickness and maintaining focus.
November 9: Some Bad News On a Thursday Evening
I’m sick! 🙁 Last weekend some of the cast was sick, so I should’ve expected it, but I really thought I was in the clear. I take Vitamin C and Elderberry all the time in an attempt to minimize feeling sick, which doesn’t mean I’m immune, but sometimes I feel like I am. I don’t feel too awful, but last night I was feeling really bad. I’ve been resting more than normal during the day and have been carrying cough drops with me.
Navigating being sick and still doing the things I’m expected to do during the performance means that I think I wasn’t very in the moment today. I was trying to mitigate symptoms backstage and on stage in a way that was unobtrusive to what was happening. This means that I was focused on my personal internal experience instead of what was happening onstage around me. I would define what I did today as “getting through the show” instead of “doing the show” or “playing.” That’s never somewhere I want to be. Every show has play in it, especially this one, so I want to be able to honor that. However, I need to acknowledge that how I’m feeling limits my ability to explore and play as fully as I would like to.
I’m hoping that tomorrow I’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep and this will just be a 24 hour bug.
November 10th: Friday Evening, Health Center Visit
I was not feeling better this morning, so I went to the health center. I’m COVID and strep negative. The doctor prescribed me an inhaler and a few over the counter things because she said my cough was “wheezy.” So, we’ll see if it helps. I haven’t used an inhaler before, but I’m willing to try anything to get this cough to go away. It’s really hard for me to deal with this cough while singing, since I can’t remember any time that I’ve had to sing for a prolonged period of time and have been since. I’m also really hoping that sleeping in tomorrow will help me feel better soon.
Intermission update: I’m really listening to the story tonight. I’m also noticing things I haven’t noticed before, both with the puppets and Jimmy and Leah. I think that not feeling well has made me aware of more things. I’m focusing on not hacking in front of the audience and am putting that energy into observing things happening onstage.
November 11th: Saturday Evening Mad Dash
Compared to yesterday I’m feeling a little better, but I coughed all through the night. I still have a pretty crazy cough, so I’m relying on cough drops and Mucinex DM to try to keep my cough under control. I’ve also mastered the mad dash to the stairwell when I think my cough is going to be really loud so it doesn’t disrupt the story or the actors onstage. My cough’s a little concerning if I’m being completely honest. It’s been a long time since I got really sick so I’m struggling to give myself grace about how I’m feeling. I found my attention going in and out during different parts of the show. Sometimes I was so focused on not having a coughing fit on stage that I wasn’t present in the moment. Other times, I found myself really living in the world of the show from moment to moment. I think that just comes from being sick for the first time in a while and not knowing what’s really happening with me.
Twice today, my glasses came off my head. Which has never happened before. I’m really confused by it because I did my hair the same as always and put them in the same place that I always do. Both times I lost them, I was present in the moment, so I was able to retrieve them and continue one without it throwing me. If it would’ve happened in a moment when I was more focused on what was happening internally than externally, I think I would’ve been unsure what to do with them or how to handle the situation.
November 12th: Sunday Matinee
Today is the first day all weekend that I was able to sing through almost the whole show. Before today, I’ve been dropping out of a number to cough or dropping out because I can’t hear myself because of congestion. I also was really worried about losing my voice. However, I’m happy to announce that I didn’t lose my voice or otherwise damage my voice during this week of shows. I think that I navigated my health in the best way I could for myself while also not sacrificing the show or my other responsibilities. I’m still not feeling the best but I have been looking up all day and am hopeful that I will be completely well by next Thursday. I have another appointment with the health center tomorrow to follow up on the inhaler and how I’m feeling.
After three days of navigating through the accent with illness, it was really weird to sound mostly back to normal today. I feel like I lost some of the signature sounds in trying to accommodate the build up and sore throat. So, I’d like to revisit those things in this upcoming week before we have our last weekend of shows. I was a little startled when I started talking honestly, I’ve gotten used to sounding more gravelly and wasn’t expecting the tone that came out of me when I first got onstage. Besides that I think that I was very present today. I have been able to navigate the sneezing and coughing within my character, especially since I have a handkerchief in Act Two. It’s become a part of her already, so I’ve just utilized it more than I usually do. Weirdly, this sickness has given me the space to explore that part of her more. How she holds and uses it when she’s not using it for its intended purpose and how she navigates dealing with it without having pockets.
Goals for next week: write thank you notes to the company, revisit accent, edit website, feel better
