Below are my journal entries for the final weekend of shows, where I learn about sensory friendly shows, self-kindness, and closed the show.
November 13th: Sensory Friendly Show Rehearsal
Today, we did a rehearsal for the sensory friendly performance we’re doing on Saturday. We ran through a hit list of things that may cause issues for audience members, such as the whistle volume, the strobes, and the volume of some of the sounds. I’m really excited to be able to be apart of this process, I think it’s so important to make theatre accessible. It has the power to change lives, but there are so many restrictions keeping people out of the theatre. One way we can break down the barrier is to make accepting spaces like the sensory friendly performance.
We lit the meet and greet with the actors at the end of the rehearsal, and I’m also extremely excited for that. I love the ability to meet members of the audience and hear how they felt about the show.
November 16th: Thursday Evening
Health update: I am feeling much better physically, but I’m navigating some vocal fatigue. Today, I was on vocal rest for multiple hours and will continue this trend until my voice is feeling back to normal. This is where the scream training comes into play. I’ve used this training to modify my scream and other higher-pitched things that I do in the show. I’m really grateful that I’ve had so many people help me with my vocal training. Getting different perspectives from different schools of training has really helped me as a performer. I’ve been able to blend together different schools of thought recently to adapt many of the sounds I make into something I can sustain with my current health situation. Hopefully, that’ll keep me on the path to a full recovery.
Intermission Update: Weirdly, I think I’m making new discoveries that I’ve never made before. During Acrobat One, I was very stressed about “sounding the same,” but then I came to the conclusion that that’s not a good way to grow. How I sound today is my current condition and there’s no way to change that without causing damage and that’s the last thing I want. So, Mrs. Phelps just has a lower voice than my normal and that’s okay. These past few months, I’ve been working on really embracing letting go and just playing, so I’m seeing this as the ultimate test for that.
November 17th: Friday Evening
Today, I was the most engaged in the moment as I have been since I got sick. I really felt myself just engaging in the story and accepting how I’m feeling as a truth of Mrs. Phelps. I’m rediscovering some of the joy I had put on the backburner because I was so focused on not sounding sick and sounding “normal.” I’m really happy I’m feeling well enough to explore this again. She’s so joyful and deserves to have that joy every night.
It was really freeing to let go and just have fun again and that’s something I’d like to carry with me into the rest of the run of the show. Navigating my health has been a unique challenge for me because the show required that I make myself relax during the day. Normally, I am not very kind to myself when I’m sick, but a challenge like this has required that I be kinder to myself.
November 18th: Saturday
Show One (Sensory Friendly Matinee): Even with the rehearsal we had to discuss changes that have been made to make the show more sensory friendly, I was still surprised when I saw the lights on in the house. I think that it’s just because we’ve had shows with the house lights all the way down since we did that rehearsal, so it wasn’t fresh in my mind. While it was a little bit of a surprise, I feel like I adapted quickly to the changes. I’m really excited to meet members of the audience after the show, I think it’s always a really rewarding experience to meet people after a performance. It breaks down the walls a little bit and allows for conversation between performer and audience.
Show Two (Saturday Evening Show): I am tired, but I think that’s to be expected. I’m feeling good and being kind to myself. Today, I’ve noticed so many people have made new discoveries this weekend and I think that’s beautiful. Everyone has been on their own journey with this show and now that we’re approaching the end of the show I think it’s important to acknowledge that. This run in particular, I’ve continued to embrace just going with the flow of the scene. I was focused on what was happening and just let the lines happen without trying to micromanage them. Tonight’s goal is to finish my thank you notes to cast and crew and tomorrow’s goal is to play fully in the world of Matilda one last time.
November 19th: Sunday Matinee
One last time! Today I went into the show with the goal to play fully one last time and I think I accomplished that goal. Just like every run we’ve done this weekend, I saw new things that others were doing and I felt new emotions during the story. I love seeing all the things that are happening on stage, how the puppets move, how Jimmy and Leah interact, how Emmy tells the story, everything that’s happening has so much love in it. Honestly, today it made me cry. I was so moved by the story and by Matilda’s story in general. Specifically, the line “and that’s the end” really threw me because it really was the end for the last time.
Goals for the next 48 hours: final reflection, finish website
